Thursday, July 30, 2009

Having own kids?

Recently I think I am in love with beef balls and dinner alone in Ikea. Today after movie with a friend, he had to leave early and I have to dinner alone. As usual I went to Ikea and get my all time favorite Beef Balls and Chicken Wings. After take my food I sit alone in a place in the middle of the area where I can observe everyone around me. I do not know since when I enjoy to eat dinner alone. Last time, I will never have meal outside alone. Either I will take away or just cook at home. I felt like eating alone outside is very pity and lonely. But now, I start liking it and enjoy myself. Now I felt so glad and happy that I can eat nice food and stay healthy. I feel so thankful to The Almighty one.
During dinner, of course I cannot let my eyes. I keep on watching around and observe what happen around us. I found it’s interesting to do so. I notice that Ikea provide a very nice place for family to enjoy their meals here. There have special area for kids to have meal and some toys for them to play. Many parents sit there just to accompany their kids and feed them. Suddenly I feel like nowadays kids are getting more n better treated. Parents bring them out for shopping and enjoy nice food. They just run around and play during meal time. Either mom or dad will follow around them like bodyguard and feed them. This scenario really makes me think a lot of things. I would like to share some here.

I still remember when I was a young boy, I went holiday trip with my mom and some aunties in a beach. I saw a few Caucasian boys and girls; I was mesmerized by the colors of their eyes. Ocean blue…light green…and grey eyes. Straight away I told my mom: Mi, I want to marry a “gui mui” (white girl) when I grow up then I want to have cute children with ocean blue eyes. They are so cute la. Thinking of this make me laugh at the naïve and innocent me. But now, I still remember what I told my mom before: Mi, I do not want kids in my life. I want freedom and I do not want to bind by commitment. Have your own kid means you’re responsible as a parents to take care of your kid and make sure the kid can grow in a healthy environment. I understand my words will hurt her, but yet this is what I want for my life and I know it clearly. Somehow I went through some unhappy childhood that keeps hunting me till end of my life. The impact to me is hard to remove or cure. Not to be mention here. I would not like my next generation will go through this anymore. I know I cannot give the best to my next generation and the most important is I need freedom for my life.
A lot of times my close buddies and I discuss on should we have kids for ourselves? Or should we adopt one? Of course every one of us has different opinions and all opinions support by strong reasons. Some say that I need no to have kid due to satisfied family or parents’ need. A lot of family or parents have this strong concept that we all must produce our next generation in order to carry our names or whatever is it. But I think is every own individual choice to have a kid or not. No one have the rights to judge you are right or wrong. As many old people said, parents are the one who give you life but the rest of your pathway should be walk by yourself. Destiny is on our own hand, why should we being judge or influence to do something that we do not like or even think of? I clearly know that I am not a tool of parents to mass produce or keep the generation goes on. I know clearly what I want and what I want for my life. If I want a kid, I will surely give my 100% to my kid. But this is not what I want. If to say that we need to contribute to the society or this world, there are many things else we can do besides having our own kid. Such as support save the world activities, sponsor children in poor places who are suffering, recycle and so on. For me, sponsor children in poor countries are very meaningful. Yet I know now my ability is restricted due to financial problem and I am still a student. But when I have stable financial I would like to sponsor children who are really in need. The money your donate might be a small amount but it can help a lot of children to survive or to get education. Giving chances to such children are even more meaningful to me. There are too many people out there who need our help. So, is this considered a contribution to our world and society?
Some of my friends who suggest that adoption would be the way they want. Of course they have their supporting ideas and reasons. But I believe children who grow up in a so called “unhealthy” family or background is difficult to survive or to face society when they grow up. In a family where consist or either mom or dad only, can they be brought up healthy? How would others kids see them when they only have either one parent? Can they take all the words where others say to them? This world is changing and everything is getting different where majority might become minorities or the other way round. No one know what will happen? Don’t you agree? Everyone also keep on changing everyday. Life is unpredictable. Well, life is short. I must live it to the fullest and do what I want for my future. This most important is what I want and enjoy my life.
Back to my dinner. Keep on thinking, having meal alone is nothing bad or to be shy of after all. It’s the time where you spend time on yourself to enjoy food and think of something where you do not think normally? So, is this the normal me? Or abnormal? But I truly believe that we are normal because we are abnormal.

1 comment:

  1. Haha. This is a common issue people always have. TO have kids or not? To adopt or not?
    The answer is simple: Just follow your heart.

    Some people love kids and can do their all for the children, they have kids. Some people know they cannot care for the children, and that they don't want children, they don't bear any.

    (Grand)Parents should understand. If some people give birth to children that they do not want, they may abandon them. Yeah, (grand)parents always say they can take care of our sons and daughters, but THINK. They are grandparents. We would be creating an environment of non-parental love. Parental love is important to children and their development. Grandparents cannot provide the same essence of care. Care exist, but in a different manner.

    Coming to the topic of adoption. If you want to, you adopt; if not, don't. You say that single parent family is bad for the children, but how is being abandoned in the children's home any better? If you really love him/her and will care for them, then take them home, and they can, at least, grow up in an environment that provides love.

    So the base question is not whether it's right or wrong, required or not, parents or not. It's whether do YOU want it. So think about it. If you don't like kids or you strongly believe that you cannot provide them the love and care they need, then not wanting kids is not wrong. You just saved the world from more neglected/unwanted/abused kids =)